Tag Archives: humans

God Almighty — Flash Fiction #17


The tiger has turned into a great nuisance. Humans are worried to no end. It started with cattle and then human beings too began to fall prey to the tigers. People brought out their sticks, their spears and their guns and killed the tiger. But then yet another tiger arrived. Finally, the humans approached God Almighty with an appeal.

“God Almighty! Do please save us from the tigers.”

God Almighty replied — “Okay.”

Soon after, the tigers showed up in the court of God Almighty with a complaint — “The humans have made our lives unbearable. We are running away from forest to forest. But the hunters are not leaving us in peace. Hey God Almighty, can’t you please find a remedy for this perilous situation?”

God Almighty replied – “Of course.”

Just then young Nerha’s mother appeared before God Almighty and prayed —“Baba, please make sure that my Nerha is blessed with a lovely young bride. Please, please dear God Almighty. I am offering you five paisa in obeisance.”

God Almighty replied – “Okay.”

Harihar Bhattacharyya addressed God Almighty on his way to court where his case was pending. “I have worshipped you all my life. My body has thinned on account of the fasts I kept. I want to give a proper lesson to my rascal of a nephew. Please do be my ally.”

God Almighty replied – “Okay.”

Sushil is preparing for an exam. He tells God Almighty everyday, “Dear God Almighty, do make sure that I pass.” Today he added — “God Almighty, if you can arrange for a scholarship for me, I will spend five rupees to distribute sweets I offer in your glory.”

God Almighty replied – “Okay.”

Haren Purakayastha desires to be the Chairman of the District Board. He approached God Almighty through an intermediary, a priest called Kali. “I need only eleven votes to win.” The priest, in lieu of a fat fee, chanted prayers in incorrect Sanskrit making God Almighty nearly lose his mind – “Votam dehi, votam dehi —”

God Almighty replied desperately – “Oh, okeigh, ohkeigh.”

The farmer raised his hands towards the sky and said — “God Almighty, give me water.”

God Almighty replied –”Okay.”

The mother of a sick child prayed to God Almighty–”Oh Lord, I have but a single child. Please don’t snatch it away.”

God Almighty replied – “Okay.”

Khenti pishi, the next door neighbour of the mother, said –”God Almighty, the slut is far too vain. She shows off new jewelry every other day and looks down on us all. You have shown endless mercy by catching hold of the child by his throat. Give the broad a proper lesson.”

God Almighty moaned – “Okay.”

The grim philosopher said – “God Almighty I wish to understand you.”

God Almighty warily responded – “Okay.”

China came up with a piercing cry – “Please save us from Japan Oh Lord.”

God Almighty replied – “Sure.”

A young man from Bengal caught hold of God Almighty– “No editor is accepting my submissions. I want to publish in ‘Prabasi’. Please tell Ramananda-babu to be kind to me.”

God Almighty replied – “I will.”

During a short break, God Almighty asked Brahma, who was sitting right next to him – “Do you have pure mustard oil at your home?”

Brahma said – “Yes, I do. But what’s the problem?”

God Almighty said – “I am in dire need of it. Can you spare some for me?”

Brahma. (Speaking hastily out of all five mouths) “I definitely can.”

Pure mustard oil arrived from Brahma’s home. Immediately, God Almighty put drops of mustard oil into his nostrils and fell into a deep slumber.

Till this day, we has not woken up from that slumber.

Translation-cum-transcreation of a classic Bengali flash fiction বিধাতা (bidhata) by Banaphool. The original version of The Neem Tree was also his creation.

 
 
 
 
 

[This a transcreation of an original story written by Banaphool. He is the same writer who had penned The Neem Tree. The present story in its original version was published by Gurudas Chattopaddhay and Sons in 1936 in a collection entitled Banaphhol-er Galpo (Banaphool’s Stories).]

Love and Hugs — Flash Fiction #15

Out of sheer disgust that his scientifically retarded old mother did not know how to be loved and hugged over a smart phone, a gentleman employed a human to help his mother find out that she had been hugged and loved over and over again by her invisible son from across a distance of eight thousand miles. The human in charge was invisible too, living forty miles away from the old woman, and had to deliver the love and the hugs over a phone, which, fortunately, the old woman knew how to answer, except when it stopped working. On such difficult occasions, other humans were needed to deal with the phone’s non-cooperation.

The human employed to convey love and hugs pointed out that the service contract was drawn up for love and hugs alone. A more pricey contract was called for to include the extra responsibility of finding humans to fix the old woman’s phone. The son was endlessly irritated by this inhuman demand from a human, but complied for a few months. He saw that the expenses were mounting, yet he was desperate to love and hug the old woman.

He suspected finally that he was being cheated by unscrupulous humans who had found out how frantic he was to love and hug his mother. Fortunately, he was scientifically inclined, unlike his mother. So, he was able to solve the expense problem. He sent his mother a cake on line and to make sure that the old woman knew that her invisible son truly loved and hugged her, he ordered a little girl’s picture as the topping for the cake. This was meant to make his mother feel young and smile as she tore up the picture while cutting the cake.

Unknown to herself, the woman was riding a time machine. The machine, like the phone, suddenly malfunctioned. It accelerated violently till the woman vanished two days before the day the cake with the little girl’s picture arrived. The human in charge of delivering love and hugs alone offered a special discount to inform the son about the incident. The son was annoyed to no end to learn about the mother unknowingly boarding a time machine without engaging a pilot, though he knew at the same time that pilots were expensive and paying their bills would have seriously compromised his love and hugs budget.

This being an emergency of course, he rushed to his computer to search on line for humans who repaired malfunctioning time machines, however highly priced the service might be. But google informed him that all such humans lived in the future.